Where did the Time Go?

It is unbelievable to me that a year has already come and gone since I left my other full time job! It will be a year ago this Saturday, March 1st that I walked out of their doors for the last time. I was certain that I would have finished my book within the first 6 months of leaving, and possibly even started – or finished my second book (Modern Day Noah) by the end of the year. For someone like me that is a “productivity queen” and is all about getting things done, I am shocked that neither of these things happened.

When I look back over how I spent my time, it feels odd to me that it looks like I just goofed off or was a loafer during this year. I realize that to others, it will still appear that I accomplished a ton. But from my natural way of looking at things, the tangible things I produced during this year were fewer than I had anticipated. I am a results driven person. And because of that, I have a hard time sitting still and not getting things done. Many people marvel at the fact that I can get so much done. But the reality is that this can also be a curse.

Amanda & Melissa

Amanda & Melissa

Needless to say, for the 6 years that I ran my business and worked my other full time job too, there wasn’t much down time. Honestly, there wasn’t any. So the two biggest casualties from my decision to start a business when I already had a full time job, were my children. Granted, they are not babies anymore. They were 19 & 22 when I started my business. But everybody needs their Mom’s love and attention. I have suffered so much guilt about not physically being there for them because I was consumed with “rescuing” all of my disorganized clients from their pain.

While I was always there for them when they needed me, I can not change the fact that I wasn’t physically there for them as I should have been during those years, On the upside, I do realize that they learned a lot of intangible things from watching me though. They learned to go after their dreams and not just settle for the cards that life has dealt them. They learned about strength and determination. Just as they learned intangible things watching me, I realize that I have spent the last year doing intangible things. Though they aren’t things you can see or hold in your hands, they are just as important. I basically “crashed and burned” for at least the first 6 months. I withdrew from society to some extent.

Harper, Raelyn & Noah

Harper, Raelyn & Noah

But the biggest intangible thing I accomplished this year was just hanging out with my kids and my ever-growing family. Both of my daughters had babies this past summer – 2 weeks apart from each other! (I blogged about it here.) We’ve talked and laughed endlessly. I’ve shared in their excitement and joy as they brought new life into the world. We’ve shopped together, swam together, laughed together and cried together. When you look down my impressive list of accomplishments, it won’t be the tangible ones that I’ll be remembered for, it will be the intangibles. I thank God for allowing me to slow down and just enjoy life as it happens. One day at a time!

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